I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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