im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i need some magic done to my vagina
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
