On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
