I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
