you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
