I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
