I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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