Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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