I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Terrible idea I love it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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