Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
