so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
