So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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