Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
