at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
