I met the friendliest cop last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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