Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
