is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
