he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
