Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
