It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
