She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bang-toberfest begins!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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