It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
