she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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