girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
