I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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