last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
