what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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