I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
