I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
