that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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