i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
