We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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