we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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