garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
