im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
