so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
