a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
