She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
