Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
