Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
