I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
