Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
