Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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