he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
