so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
