dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
