so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
a search helicopter?!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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