Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
