i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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