im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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