I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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