So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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