Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
