its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
